It's Lazy to Call Someone Lazy
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rewriting damaging narratives
We have all had something we wanted to do but just couldn't seem to find the motivation to start. The concept of "motivation" isn't always the right lever to pull when trying to complete tasks, even though it’s often the thing we focus on. It's easy to fall into the trap of labeling oneself or others as "lazy" when things don't get done. Still, this perspective can be both inaccurate and ultimately harmful if left unchallenged.
Let's dive into why calling someone "lazy" is often misguided and how we can rewrite this damaging narrative.
Beyond Motivation: Understanding your Real Barriers
Motivation is generally the first thing we focus on when trying to get things done.
However, people struggle to accomplish their tasks for multiple reasons, and they often have nothing to do with motivation.
Here are five significant barriers that can be mistaken for laziness…
I. Skill Gaps
Imagine being asked to build a rocket ship. No matter how motivated you are, you won't succeed if you don’t have the skills. Many tasks require specific skills, and not having them can make it seem like someone lacks motivation when, in reality, they may need additional support or accommodations.
What to Do:
Identify the Missing Skills: Break down the task and figure out what skills are required. This will help you understand what you need to learn or where you need support.
Develop Skills or Seek Accommodations: Take small steps to learn these skills through tutorials, courses, or seeking help from others. If learning the skill is challenging or not possible due to individual circumstances, seek support, accommodations, or alternative approaches that play to your strengths.
II. Resource Gap
Sometimes, you might have the motivation and the skills but lack the necessary resources—be it time, energy, money, or support. For instance, you might want to go for a walk but feel too exhausted after work, or you can’t find your sneakers anywhere!
What to Do:
Optimize Your Environment: Create a conducive environment for the task. For instance, schedule walks when you have more energy.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or communities like Floriss that can offer the emotional and practical support you need.
III. Perfectionism
You may care so deeply about getting a task done perfectly that you struggle to begin or complete it.
What to Do:
Embrace Imperfection: Allow yourself to do a task "well enough" rather than “perfectly.” Recognize that perfection is often unattainable and can hinder progress. All-or-nothing thinking is common in those with ADHD. Being mindful when you find yourself doing it is the first step; try steering yourself onto a new course of action. Journaling can help with this quite a bit!
Set Smaller Goals: Break tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces, making it easier to start and complete them. Focus on progress rather than perfection.
IV. Forgetfulness
Sometimes, it's not a lack of motivation but rather forgetfulness that stands in the way. If tasks aren't visible or easily remembered, they might slip your mind, leading to missed deadlines or incomplete work.
What to Do:
Use Reminders: Use sticky notes, alarms, or apps to keep important tasks top-of-mind. Place reminders in prominent places to help you stay on track.
Create a System: Develop a system that regularly reminds you of what needs to be done, such as a daily or weekly checklist. Consistently using and updating this system makes it a habit. If you need help plotting out your day, try using our Garden Row Scheduling Template!
V. Overly Optimistic Thinking
Those with ADHD often have what's called positive illusory bias—a tendency to overestimate the time or resources available to complete tasks. This can lead to procrastination, missed deadlines, and unfinished projects.
What to Do:
Set Smaller Benchmark Goals: We’re big proponents of dreaming big and fully believing in achieving them. However, to reach your ultimate destination, you have to move forward. To advance and keep momentum, incremental progress is key to your process. Never stop dreaming, believing, and reaching for the stars (we sure won’t), but setting, achieving, and celebrating smaller goals will keep you on track. Smaller benchmarks also help to mitigate all-or-nothing thinking and combat loss of progress due to perfectionist tendencies (If you want a refresher, it’s under #3: Perfectionism!).
Take it from Floriss’ founder: “Something is always better than nothing, even when it means taking a step you feel uncertain with or unqualified for, or maybe doesn’t match the world you conjured up for your big dream.”
The end result? “More times than not, even better!”
“Just because something doesn’t feel “perfect” or “cosmically in sync” doesn’t mean it’s wrong or will end up as a total disaster. More often than not, fear or anxiety acts as the repellent to moving forward, not boredom or disinterest. Sometimes I find those are merely symptoms when in reality I’m scared of an outcome or feel overwhelmed by what I think the process will be.”
We suggest you adjust your benchmark goals to align with your current reality. Again, this doesn’t mean your ultimate goal is out of reach, but it does mean reflecting on where you are and what you feel up to at that moment in time. How you tackle one task or smaller goal one day may differ significantly from the next. Validate your feelings by taking them into account when you set these benchmarks, and always celebrate yourself when you accomplish what you set out to do, no matter how “small.” Remember, small does not equate to insignificant.
Break down tasks AND estimate the time needed for each step. BE SURE TO add buffer time for unexpected challenges.
By doing “less” more consistently (which translates to intentionally), you’ll find your progress toward your grander goals much farther along than you may have initially expected.
Prioritize Tasks: Choose a realistic number of tasks to focus on each day, even if it’s one. Remember, a goal doesn’t need to be achieved in one day. Prioritize based on importance and urgency, ensuring you effectively allocate your time and energy.
Changing the Narrative
The label "lazy" can be damaging and overlooks the complexity of human behavior. Instead of judging yourself or others harshly, consider the various barriers that might be at play. Rewriting these damaging narratives involves a more empathetic and understanding approach. This goes for everyone: neurodivergent, neurotypical, and anyone in between.
Cultivating Growth and Understanding
Labeling someone (including yourself) as "lazy" is an oversimplification that often ignores underlying issues. By identifying and addressing skill gaps, resource gaps, perfectionism, forgetfulness, and overly optimistic thinking, we can better understand and navigate our challenges, fostering personal growth and self-compassion.